Motivation Vacation

It amazes me how much vacation will change my mindset. More relaxed or more lazy? Less responsibility or less purpose. It's something I struggle with every time I get time off. And I always have goals for how much I want to do during my time off. A to do list longer then my average day, and that is saying something. But i never seem to live up to it all and that's always a disappointment. The amount of research I'll do. The amount of reading I'll do. The amount of running I'll do. Never seem to make it as far as I think. This vacation week started the same way. Lots to do and nothing done. However half way through I was able to push a pause button and say "no". Right now I'm going to focus on what I need and everything else can wait. So instead of 3 papers I wrote one. Instead of reading every day I have a list to read for when I get back to work. And instead of working out and running every day, I've done what I can when I can. After the first insaenly tough workout with 2 days of barely being able to breath without pain, I've paced myself.

And I've also starting to embrace the "self love soldier mentality. No more hating who I am or what I look like. No more disappointment. I'm accomplished. I'm strong. I'm more than I could have imagined I would be, 20 years ago. But because I have a to do list, I'm never who I want to be. Goals are important. But hating myself because I haven't met them does not help. Hating myself for not being perfect does not help. Hating myself for every extra calorie, every wrong question, every imperfect decision makes it worse. I've come so far from the little 12 year old girl who was lost to the world. It's time to celebrate who I am and what I've accomplished. And realize that by celebrting me, then I can really work on who I want to be. By elevating my frequency and really contributing as much as I can to the universe.

Here's to self love. Here's to focusing on how far we've come. Here's to turning into everything we want to be. Here's to us.